Oh yes, my first blog post in over a year is barely researched, short and charged. I will later write a more in-depth piece, but for now, this is it. A list of the top five responses that make me go like this:
1) Have you tried not being [insert non-heteronormative adjective here]?
Look, this is a no-brainer. If the answer is yes, then that person is probably still hurting from the experience. Your friend, sibling, offspring, or whatever can probably quote all of your objections, all of your justifications for just acting "normal" (what an offensive word, but I use it here because other people do) and have probably used your arguments on themselves. If the answer is no, you probably just look dumb. Or pathetic. Either way, you're not doing anyone any good.
2) You're probably just confused.
Trust me, if a person who previously seemed straight, heteronormative, and even rigid suddenly comes out to you, they're sure. You don't come out to someone unless you're willing to be labeled, and with such negative connotations that non-heteronormative words have in our society, you're only willing to be labeled if it's the truth. (I think I just butchered that sentence somehow.) Or if you're a rebellious teenager seeking attention, but that should be obvious from the get-go.
3) You just haven't found the right man/woman.
Is it so difficult to believe that just because you're attracted to people of the opposite sex, it doesn't mean everyone else is? There are many kinds of attraction, many kinds of sexuality and many combinations thereof. It not only implies ignorance, but also narrow-mindedness to assume that everyone must be Just Like You. Your friend/sibling/offspring/whatever is aware that "faking it" is an option, and has decided against such self-destructive behavior.
4) You were just hurt by a man/woman.
So now you know more about their personal life and experiences than they do? You know more about their emotions, desires, and motivations than they can comprehend? You must be a psychic! I'm thinking of a number...
5) I still love you.
This hurts. I know from experience that this hurts a lot, probably more than anything else. You may not mean it in the way it sounds, but I want you to listen: "I loved you before I knew this thing about you. Now that I know, I love you a little less." Don't do this. Just don't. You may be trying to reassure your friend/sibling/offspring/whatever, but it tastes like rejection.
Why do I write this? Well, for one, because I can. Because I have experiences. Because even if only one person looks at this and goes, "Oh, wow, I probably should apologize for being a douchebag," that's one more person who doesn't feel degraded or betrayed anymore by someone they admired and trusted. Because people often don't realize that trying to be "helpful" is actually harmful. Because I was supposed to post this on Facebook but it got way too long.
Next post will be all about...something cool, I swear. For now, questions, comments and concerns are welcome. If my (few) readers are still alive, or whatever.
Btw, awesome Tulio headbang is property of...whoever. I didn't make it.
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