Yes, I'm still alive, and working on a huge project. My current challenge is to do with the media, but I'm swamped with schoolwork and haven't had adequate time to research it yet. Instead, I'm researching the Utah State University Pagan Alliance for my English class, the effects of WWII on small American towns for my history class, the use of evolutionary theory in criminal cases for my biology class, and...well, not much else. Okay, Firefly, too, but a girl's got to have a little rest once in a while. Also homework, but that's kind of a given.
Why am I posting? Well, I miss being opinionated publicly. So here's a little something on...well, religion. I should preface this by mentioning that this isn't a researched topic, so it's purely an opinion piece.
When I talk about religion, usually I mean Christianity. Why? Because I was raised in a Christian religion. I know lots of Christians reject Mormonism on principle, without actually learning anything about it, but I consider it Christian, and this is my blog. Also, generally, politicians are Christian -- or at least, they pretend to be -- and since most of my rants are fairly political, I have to address it. I need to stress that I never mean to bash Christianity, but I won't respect people who abuse it. (That McBible entry? Many Christians felt like it was a direct attack. I won't go into psychology or anything, but I do find it odd that my non-Christian friends found the actual message right away, while my religious readers got hung up on the Biblical stuff. I'll restate this here: it was not about religion. It was about douchebag politicians who use the idea of Christ to hurt others. Aside from this post, I probably won't ever post about religion again, and if I do, I'll tell you up front.)
Now, here's the thing. I don't bash Christianity, but right now, I can't look favorably on it. Easter Sunday at church was such an eye-opener; I haven't been to church in a long, long time, and I'd forgotten the exact reason sacrament meeting made me so uncomfortable. It isn't the subject matter; they could be worshiping cars or lemonade or giraffes, and I'd still be uncomfortable. It isn't the cookie-cutter talks, because we all know that public speaking is difficult and it's easier to mirror what other people say than to come up with something original.
It's the...well, indoctrination. Small children: giving a talk her parents wrote or saying the prayer his mom's whispering in his ear. Every six-year-old going "I like to bear my testimony, I know the church is true, I love my mom and dad, Joseph Smith is the true prophet, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen." Eight-year-olds getting baptized without understanding the gravity of their decision. Even the guy who does the sacrament prayer has to get it exactly right or he has to start over. You might think oh, they're teaching their children to do the right thing or whatever, but I disagree. It's good to have principles, sure, but these kids stop thinking if their parents do all the thinking for them. Tell your child over and over that she's fat, and she'll believe it. Tell her over and over that rainbows are actually portals to another universe, and she'll believe it.
Obviously, it didn't affect me. When I was eight, I asked questions and voiced my skepticism and even though I didn't get the answers I was looking for, I ended up trusting that they'd come because my parents said so. And because I wanted a baptism party with cake, but that's kind of shallow, isn't it? After sixteen years, I still haven't felt that 'holy spirit' they promised. For a long time, I felt cheated, and for longer than that, I felt like I was somehow defective.
This is what indoctrination does. It makes you fall in line, and if you don't agree, you're defective. Curiosity is encouraged in small doses only. Individuality isn't good. Thinking for yourself isn't good. And maybe it's only the people I grew up with, but seeing as I moved several times and attended a bunch of different wards, that's a lot of people.
I've never told this story before, but I might as well share it here. I had a friend who told me she hated Elton John because she found out that he was gay. This is a girl who previously loved his songs. When I asked why it mattered, she told me (in normal teenage girl words) that God didn't want her to enable sinners. I, being youthful and desperate for friendship, agreed with her out loud, but I felt like she'd punched me in the gut. At that point, although I'd been getting inklings of my own orientation, I knew that to be accepted by my peers I had to be like everybody else. I'd already known that about God, but at that point I was coming to realize that I'd probably never get a response from the fairy tale my parents had told me.
I'm not saying that my friend caused an identity crisis, but for some reason that experience really hit me. Kind of like...when you're sort of watching a movie, not quite interested, and then suddenly you hear a phrase or see an action and you're like wow, I need to pay more attention! (It was at one point like...freaking Cybermen. Upgrade or be deleted. Not to be melodramatic or anything, but sometimes I think it's a miracle I survived at all.)
I always say that I don't hate religion, and it's true. If religion is what keeps a person from going on a killing spree or something, I'm all for it. But I'm uncomfortable with the way it's forced on children. I know I'll probably get torn apart because of this post, especially right after Easter, but I can't just keep quiet about this, at least not right now. Eventually, I'll forget how bad it is, and I'll be able to mock Rick Santorum and write something really awesome about [x]. But right now, I kind of have the heebie-jeebies.
Well. I suppose one positive was the choir performance. My dad wrote a good song, my sister helped make it pretty, and the whole 'hosanna' thing was pretty epic. But if that's the only good thing I can find on Easter Sunday...
Questions? Comments? Concerns? Want to save my soul or warn me I'm going to hell or something? Do tell.
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