McBible

*warning: potentially offensive content.  it's not a bash on religion or the bible, and it's not particularly profane, but this subject is not happy.

Hurray, another opinion piece!  It's really super long; sorry.  The next big thing will take some time to research, but I'm still posting opinions in between.  Tonight's little thing is too long to fit into the title bar, so I'll have to put it here:

"Would You Like Fries with That?"

God, His Son, and the Ones Who Claim to Know Him

It's not that I actually dislike religion.  Sure, I'm an atheist, but...well.  Atheism, to me, is a lack of belief in God.  It's not hatred for God.  I did go through a period during which I raged against an institution that betrayed me utterly, but I got that out years ago.  I'm left with the quiet realization that the idea of God is not the sum of its parts; it's the creator of those parts, and I can forget the jerks who happen to get together in a building every Sunday to teach and nurture a creation myth.  It's not their fault for wanting to believe in something greater than themselves, but it is their fault for using that belief, twisting it, and hurting others.  Knowing that I am better than the ones who hurt me makes it easier to separate the Idea from the Ideal.

And that's what religion is -- or at least, that's what I've been led to believe.  Religion is a cultural movement made up of a number of people striving toward, worshiping, or otherwise interacting with an Ideal.  As long as they're not hurting anyone, I can't fault them for that.

No, I don't dislike religion.  What I dislike is those who would use religion to hurt or oppress others.  Go worship in your churches, your temples, your mosques, your synagogues, your whatever.  Dance around a fire or pray or play music or whatever it is you do to honor your Ideal.  I honestly could not care less.

But.  But.

But here's the thing.  People do use it.  In the black and white terms of Christianity -- which I'll be addressing here, obviously, because it's the Bible and because so far we don't have a whole lot of, say, Wiccans vying for the top spot -- they use it for evil.  What happened to not committing adultery or bearing false witness against thy neighbor?  What about not coveting?  These things -- you know, three of the ten commandments -- are obviously not as important as things like whether homosexuals can serve in the military or that our President's secretly a Muslim born in...wherever.  These are the people who make the McBible.

What is the McBible?

Most people don't know what they're talking about when they talk about their own religion.  They might cite easy passages, or if they're really daring they'll eff up the story of Sodom and Gomorrah or something, but have they really studied what they're saying?  Chances are they haven't.  Preachers hand it to them in sermons.  Friends hand it to them in snotty conversation.  Politicians hand it to them in the form of legislature.  They can get it anywhere for cheap, but it's not the real thing.

Okay.  Some examples.

As it's obviously an issue that affects me personally, I'm going to first address the issue of homosexuality.  Here are the "condemning" parts of the Bible no politician has bothered to quote (most likely because they've never bothered to study for their own arguments, but hey, don't cite me or anything):

1) The story of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 19

The King James Version of Gen 19

Here are the verses I think are most relevant:

6	And Lot went out at the door unto them, and shut the door after him,
7	and said, I pray you, brethren, do not so wickedly.
8	Behold now, I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes: only unto these men do nothing; for therefore came they under the shadow of my roof.
9	And they said, Stand back. And they said again, This one fellow came in to sojourn, and he will needs be a judge: now will we deal worse with thee than with them. And they pressed sore upon the man, even Lot, and came near to break the door.

So, Lot pleads with them to go away and they don't.  Why?  Because this dude comes along, proceeds to point the finger and call them all assholes, and then hides behind Lot when they come after him.  Surprise surprise, mob mentality kicked in and they tried to trample Lot.  (Note that "know" has many different meanings throughout the Bible, and even if this one did mean "know" in a sexual way, it would mean that the aforementioned assholes wanted to demean him -- rape him.  This is not homosexuality, this is aggression and punishment and humiliation.  Yeah, I'd probably burn them too.)  But to be honest, Lot's no better.  He threw his virgin daughters to the wolves.

Romans 1:26-27

	26  ¶ For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: 27  and likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet.

Note: God gave them up unto vile affections.  As in, either he threw in the towel -- which wouldn't have happened; he'd have just killed them, as usual -- or he caused this.  Despite all that is wrong with continuity here and the dubious credibility of Paul (go have a whack at Paul sometime, I dare you), homosexuality is apparently God-given.  We're born hated by God.  Lucky us.  Either we did something terrible in a past life, or...oh wait.  Christians don't believe in reincarnation.  Yeah, God just hates us.  I can see why any politician worth his salt won't touch this one with a ten-foot pole.

Leviticus 18:22

           22  Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

I'd like to point out here that correctly translated, it's condemning pedophilia.  The second word there should be related to boy, not mankind.

Leviticus 20:13

           13  If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

Again, boy here.  Either someone made a mistake (unlikely) or they did it on purpose, as with the witch thing (much more likely).  Also, on the subject of Leviticus, we mustn't forget the other abominations, like shellfish.  Keep his statutes: you can't have a garden, and that cute little patch you want so you can cover the hole in your blue jeans?  Forget it.  Also, God thinks that insects have four legs.  Just a thought.

1 Corinthians 6:9

 9  ¶ Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind,

Fornication means sex, doesn't it?  In the Biblical sense I'm pretty sure that it refers to premarital sex.  Idolators is pretty self-explanatory.  Adulterers...yeah.  Abusers of themselves with mankind...not so sure of that one, but I sort of get a 'euthanasia' feel from it.  Effeminate?  Darn, Heath Ledger didn't get to go to heaven.  He was my favorite, too...so cute in A Knight's Tale.  But maybe his performance as the Joker helped.  Blood, fire, chaos?  Totally up the Old Testament's alley.  ...Wait.  Where's the part about homosexuality?

1 Timothy 1:9-10

9	knowing this, that the law is not made for a righteous man, but for the lawless and disobedient, for the ungodly and for sinners, for unholy and profane, for murderers of fathers and murderers of mothers, for manslayers,
10	for whoremongers, for them that defile themselves with mankind, for menstealers, for liars, for perjured persons, and if there be any other thing that is contrary to sound doctrine;

So, jerks who swear and do other godless stuff, murderers of parents (but apparently not of children), manslayers (insert one of a number of jokes about Buffy and her unfortunate love life), pimps, their hos, pretty faces who steal husbands, liars, and people who lie in court.  I'm not going to comment on the sexist undertones here, because this is par for the course.  I'm still not seeing where homosexuality fits in.  For them that defile... maybe, but I honestly got whores from that.  Not homosexuals.

Conclusion:

Haters gonna hate.  Politicians gonna pander.  It's unfortunate that they use "God" to defend their positions, when all they have from any of those passages is "Well, you're gay because God hates you, and that means I get to hate you too."  But what politician would ever say that?

I'm now going to quote Jesus for a little while.  He's a pretty cool guy.  I'd totally friend him on Facebook, even though we'd never hang out.  Out of everyone in the entire Bible, he's the only one I can stand.  So let's hear it from the original hippie himself:

From Matthew:

12  Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: Lk. 6.31 for this is the law and the prophets.

15	¶ Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
16	Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
17	Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.
18	A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.
19	Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Mt. 3.10 · Lk. 3.9
20	Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. Mt. 12.33

 Luke 10:25-37

25	¶ And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?
26	He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?
27	And he answering said,          Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; Deut. 6.5 and thy neighbor as thyself. Lev. 19.18
28	And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live. Lev. 18.5 Mt. 22.35-40 · Mk. 12.28-34
29	¶ But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbor?
30	And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.
31	And by chance there came down a certain priest that way; and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.
32	And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side.
33	But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was; and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,
34	and went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.
35	And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him: and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.
36	Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbor unto him that fell among the thieves?
37	And he said, He that showed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him, Go, and do thou likewise.

	Jesus said to love thy neighbor, not to use the Old Testament to justify your hatred and oppression.  It's actually kind of sad, when you think about it, to see Christ so perverted by the very people who claim to worship him.  (Dude.  It's not Godianity; it's Christianity.  You'd think it'd be all about love and peace and healing and helping others, but apparently that's too old-fashioned for these people.  Or something.)

Look, I understand that politicians say half the crap they do because they want to connect with their target audience.  I get that although a person's favorite book might define their actions, their understanding might be a little effed up.  But if you're into Christianity, you can't justify hatred.  You can't justify persecution.

7  So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.

(Jesus said this while doodling on the ground in front of angry politicians.  I kind of want someone to do this and see how many people get the reference.)

 One more McBible for the Hungry Masses

(sorry, I don't have magic bread or fish or wine)

Santorum.  Oh, I love to bash him.  I mean, he is basically a nutjob with a creepy smile, but the problem is, he's in the running for a position of authority.  He's anti-America, anti-equality, sexist, and pushing for a theocracy.

"Our civil laws have to comport with the higher law."

Religious or not, tell me how that's American.  Tell me why I, as an atheist -- or Jen, as a Wiccan...or Chrystal, as a Buddhist -- must answer to the Judeo-Christian God.  Why must I comply with his Ideal?  I shouldn't have to.  I won't give a history lesson here, because this is already so long, but there is a separation of church and state for a reason.  Our founding fathers set it up this way; isn't that good enough?  Apparently not for Santorum; he isn't a conservative.  He's suggesting big government.  He's suggesting throwing out our structure just because he believes he must be the authority on What is Right for You.

Santorum doesn't just give you the McBible.  He wants to force it down your throat and hold your nose until you either swallow or die. 

Grr.  But the biggest smaller irritation (which means it's smaller than the gut-wrenching fear I feel every time I hear 'President' and 'Santorum' in the same sentence, but it's still pretty huge), right now at least, is his assertion that all babies are gifts from God, regardless of where they came from.  I'll leave off after this, but seriously?  Rape babies are gifts from God?

Genesis 3:16

"Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

Yeah.  Because Eve wasn't punished enough, being saddled with a lying, finger-pointing husband dictating her life and intense pain for nine-plus months (and let's not even mention the delivery).  Now she has to go through the pain and anguish if some other jackass decides she's a free screw.  Um, no.  I've read the Bible three times, and I'm pretty sure Genesis has no such addendum.

Further reading: The Bible; The Constitution